Stress and Emotional Health When Trying to Conceive

The emotional side of fertility

Trying to conceive can be a monthly cycle of hope and disappointment. Testing, injections, appointments and costs add pressure. It is common to feel sadness, anger, envy, guilt, shame or numbness. People also report anxiety about results and isolation when friends are becoming parents.

These feelings are valid. They are not signs that you are not strong enough or that you are not “positive” enough.

Stress and fertility: what we know

Popular advice to “just relax” implies that stress causes infertility. Research does not support that. Stress is much more often a result of infertility than a cause. Chronic or severe stress can affect cycles and sleep, which is a reason to look after yourself, but it is not a reason to blame yourself.

Ways to cope

• Name what you feel and share it with someone you trust.
• Set boundaries about questions from family, social media and baby announcements.
• Plan breaks from the process, including cycles or weeks where you do not discuss fertility.
• Move, sleep and eat regularly. See sleep and weight and exercise.
• Try calming practices such as slow breathing or mindfulness. Our guided breathing tool takes two minutes.
• Keep a few joys going that have nothing to do with fertility.

Support for you and your partner

• Counseling or therapy with someone who understands fertility treatment. Ask your clinic for referrals.
• Peer support such as RESOLVE groups, which can reduce isolation.
• Couples communication. Partners may cope differently, and that is normal. Set aside regular time to talk, and consider couples therapy if tensions grow.
• Solo parents and LGBTQ+ people may face additional barriers. See LGBTQ+ and solo-parent fertility.

After a loss

Pregnancy loss, failed cycles and failed transfers are losses. Give yourself time and ask for support. See recurrent pregnancy loss.

When to get help right away

Seek professional help if low mood, anxiety or hopelessness lasts more than two weeks, if you cannot function day to day, or if you have thoughts of harming yourself. In the US, call or text 988, or call your local emergency number. See get help now for resources in your country.

Recognizing when distress is more than stress

Feeling sad or worried is expected. Warning signs that you may need professional support include low mood most days for two weeks or more, loss of interest in things you used to enjoy, trouble sleeping or eating, feeling hopeless, panic attacks, withdrawing from loved ones, or thoughts of harming yourself. Depression and anxiety are treatable, including during fertility treatment, and some therapies are safe to combine with treatment. Tell your clinic, who may be able to refer you to a counselor who understands fertility.

Choosing a counselor

Look for a licensed therapist, ideally with experience in infertility or reproductive health. Many clinics keep a list. Professional societies of mental health professionals in reproductive medicine can help you find someone. Online therapy can be convenient, especially during busy treatment cycles. Ask about their approach, whether they see couples and how sessions are billed.

Mindfulness and relaxation

Mindfulness, meditation and gentle yoga can reduce distress for some people. Evidence that they improve pregnancy rates is limited, so do not use them as a way to “fix” fertility, but they can improve coping. Try short practices, such as our guided breathing tool, and keep what helps.

Social media and comparison

Online fertility communities offer support and information, and they can also expose you to constant news of pregnancies and stories of success or failure. Curate your feeds, mute triggering accounts, and take breaks. Verify medical claims before acting on them.

Work and money stress

Treatment can strain careers and finances. Consider what you will share with your employer, check workplace leave and flexibility policies, and look into benefits and financial counseling at your clinic. See fertility costs and insurance.

Talking with family and friends

Decide who you want to tell and how much. It is acceptable to say that you are not discussing it. Prepare a short phrase you can use with intrusive questions. Share specific requests, such as “please do not ask about it, but I would love a walk.”

Grief and anniversaries

Losses, failed cycles and dates such as due dates after a miscarriage can trigger grief. Give yourself room, and mark the day in a way that feels right. See recurrent pregnancy loss.

Questions to ask your clinic

• Do you have counselors or referrals?
• Are there support groups?
• Which of my medications could affect my mood?

A short weekly check-in with your partner

Try setting aside 20 minutes each week for a calm check-in. Each person shares how they are feeling, one thing that has been hard and one thing that would help. Keep phones away, avoid problem-solving unless asked, and end with something pleasant. Couples often find that a regular structure prevents fertility from taking over every conversation, and makes it easier to raise difficult topics such as costs, the number of cycles you are willing to try, or when to take a break.

Waiting and uncertainty

Waits are among the hardest parts. Read coping with the two-week wait for practical ideas.